They groaned when I laid it on the table. Right now, none of us want to think about how we feel. We’re too confused, stunned. It’s easier to talk about anything else.
Is your family like ours with emotions all over the place? Do you watch the news and feel overwhelmed and angry? Then, step outside with a bucket of sidewalk chalk with your kids and feel happy and fun? Me too.
When a friend tells me her husband lost his job, fear and sadness bubble up. But then I toss a football in the front yard with my son, and I’m peaceful and grateful for this unprecedented gift of time.
I’ve decided to give myself grace for whatever feeling comes. I want it all to be felt and not ignored. I’d rather face those hard feelings now then deal with them when they come back up later as anger and grumpiness.
After dinner, I shared first, feeling a little cheesy, but still holding the feelings wheel.
“I feel overwhelmed when I watch the news.”
“I felt proud of you guys today when you played Legos without fighting.”
“When we hike, I feel peaceful.”
“A friend has the virus, and I feel helpless.”
“I was grumpy yesterday that we can’t go anywhere, and I felt critical of everybody.”
They were a bit surprised. Mom doesn’t have it all together? Instead of rushing to clean the dishes, I laid my weird swirl of emotions on the table, and they listened.
I told them it felt good to talk about it and that I’d love to hear how they were feeling too. They groaned again, but I pressed on.
I shared that if they felt “off”, that starting to name those stacked-up feelings might help. I explained that if sometimes we feel sad or crabby, it is because our feelings are jumbled.
One little hand reached for the wheel, scanning it.
“I feel scared when you watch the news. Where is that on here?”
Soon, another, “I am happy to get to wear PJs for school.”
“I’m sad I’ll miss my field trip.”
“I’m bored without school.”
“I’m confused about why we can’t play with neighbors.”
It lasted just minutes. I explained the colors and how they were all normal. Pushing wasn’t my goal. But we had a few minutes of real talk, of sorting and naming our feelings, just before arguing over whose turn it was to wipe the table.
Before I let them jump up and scatter, I thanked them for letting me check-in. I told them I want them to know that their mom and dad let themselves feel whatever feeling comes because every emotion is important and real, even the yucky ones.
But that at the same time, we don’t want to stay there, to KEEP feeding those purple, red, and orange feelings. That we pray, run, turn up some music, and write to get our hearts right. To see God again.
I once thought that I needed to have it all together in front of my kids. I assumed that any overflow of my emotions would unsettle them.
But now I know, regardless of age, we all feel unsettled at times. And as a mom, I want them to see us navigating through the hard stuff too.
It’s all a process, an important one, and I want them to see that in us. Yes, they smirked and shook their heads at me, but I think they’ll remember it.
If you’d like to make your kids groan too, here are a few versions of the feelings wheel:
You’re blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart-put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.”
Matthew 5:8 (MSG)