Dear Soon to Travel Adoptive Family,
If I could go back now, these are the words that I’d whisper to my own pre-trip heart. My hope is that they’ll fall gently, offer a bucket of grace, excite your spirit, and speak to your heart.
Before our first adoption trip, I was giddy with joy and trembling weak-kneed. I spent so much time tasking that I missed the opportunity to pull back and consider heart preparation.
There is much to be done at this stage in your journey. You’ve got paperwork to finalize, shopping to do, travel to book, suitcases to pack, and lists to work through, but let me urge you to make space in your heart mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I’d love to tell you exactly what to expect, but the mystery of it is just part of it. No promises can be made about your daughter’s gotcha-day reaction, how good your guides will be if you’ll pack the right clothes, if your son will cry on the plane, or if you’ll like the hotel’s mattress. Your brain will want to focus there, but I encourage you to attempt a wider view.
Surrender
Let go, in advance, of expectations and control. Give yourself a good talking to about releasing your hold. You’ve moved mountains to get here, so relinquishing control will require intention.
As your plane lifts into the air, un-grip your fists, and begin the surrender. Your dossier is complete, and it is your agency’s job now to put those last puzzle pieces together. Trust them to do their work. Trust the timing. Trust the Lord.
You will have guides who will keep you informed, organize your schedule, and help you plan tours. This will be an experience like none other. Take it as an opportunity to practice the discipline of surrender.
You will be thousands of miles away from all aspects of your normal life. Kids will not be in car seats, the food you eat will be different, and the schedule out of your control.
Whether by birth or adoption, every child has unique and developing emotional, mental and medical differences. All of us come with ever-evolving needs. No checklist, plan or preparation can prepare us for this. Sometimes surrendering our expectations is the hardest part of any relationship.
Feelings
This trip will illicit in you all manner of feelings, some that make sense, and some that don’t seem to. Grant yourself permission to allow them to bubble up as they are. Give yourself grace and know they’ve been felt by many who have gone before you.
Remember that emotions are both healing and flaky, often coming unexpectedly and leaving quickly. It’s all part of the process.
Adoption is an extreme paradox of the beautiful and the broken. You will feel that.
For me, I had some unexpected feelings rise on our gotcha day. We’d pushed and pushed to get to the moment of meeting our daughter, but when the glorious finish line was in sight, I needed a nudge. What I can tell you now though, is that those faith-building days have positively impacted every day of my life that followed.
Lean In
If your experience is like ours, God will use this trip to speak volumes of truth to you. Be sensitive to that. Grab your travel partner’s hands and pray in the morning, in the evening, and every moment in between that feels beyond you. Pray in gratitude. Pray for help. Pray to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit leading you moment to moment.
Read the rest over at No Hands But Ours.