Do you have friends who are a newly adoptive family and want to show them some love? (If they are still in the paperwork process, start here.)
Every family is unique, but one thing is certain: they needed you while they were in process and they need you now. Their knees are wobbly because the ground keeps shifting beneath their feet. They have pushed, prayed, and hustled their way through a grueling paperwork process, survived a beautifully exhausting adoption trip, and are finally home. Ideally, it would be rest time, but nope. It’s go time in a big way with their new child. It’s the celebratory finish line of a marathon. But, before you can fire the confetti cannon, they’re neck-deep in the exhaustingly beautiful work of transitioning as a family.
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These are some ways that your family can help carry the weight in a way that fits your wiring. Meals are incredible, but there are many other ways to serve and support. The key is moving beyond, “Let me know what I can do.”
1. Grace. Drop off a bag of paper plates, cups, and bowls, with a note saying, “Treat yourself to lots grace. This is not easy. For however messy your house is grace. For how frazzled you feel as a parent, grace. For whatever feelings pop up, grace. For any tasks you aren’t getting to, grace.”
2. Prayer. Pray like crazy and then let them know you’ve been on your knees. Ask, “How can I be praying now that you are home?” Add the family’s name to your prayer list and then snap a photo. Or, when you see the family, say, “Our family prayed for you last night.” Send a card with specifics on how you are praying.
3. Laughter. It’s all so weighty with emotions and change. Write a giggle prescription with a funny movie invite, hilarious meme, comedian clip, or ridiculous kid story. Drop off movie candy and a Redbox comedy.
4. Ask questions. Do you want to help, but are unsure how? Tell them. Try, “I really want to stand with you in this. What would help you?” Or, want to talk about how it feels to adopt, but not sure what to say? Try, “I can’t imagine what this process is like for you. How are you feeling? What are you learning?”
The good news? You are off the hook. You aren’t expected to say the right things, or even to relate. Honesty is a gift. Just say, “How is everybody doing with all this change?”
Also, ask about their wishes. Are they planning to follow certain protocols as they work on attachment? Are they keeping their world small? Do they prefer that you not touch or hold their child? Would they prefer that gifts and meals be left at the door? Or, do they want you to come over and stay awhile? Are they feeling trapped and lonely or content and needing family space? When you are out with them, ask, “Do you want to talk about all this, or would you rather escape a bit and laugh?” Ask.
5. Celebrate. Rejoice with them. Send a text full of emojis, show up with celebratory chocolate, or take the family out for ice cream. When hosting a family dinner, or are out with friends, make a toast. Offer a “family addition” gift shower. Sometimes families adopt an older child, and they miss the gift of being “showered” like new parents. The adoption process can be grueling, and everyone likes to feel celebrated.
Read fifteen more ideas over at No Hands But Ours.