With biopsies and appointments behind us, Friday found us knee to knee with a specialist hovered around a pathology report and a breast diagram. Before the sun even got a chance to shine that day, the cancer diagnosis was official, the word malignant highlighted and arrows drawn to the offending lump.
We’ve weathered a season of storms over the past few years, some shared and some not shared. And it’s breast cancer that’s stirring up the next waves. The battle lines have been drawn, and it’s time to “fight like a girl”. We are girded up though, because we come at this knowing from experience after experience that God’s grace is found in deepest waters. That even when storms rage, He passes out peace that surpasses understanding.
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I’ve thought all week about who to tell and how to tell it.
Pity makes me squirm, I don’t want to share for the sake of attention, and I just want to have fun with my people without talking only pathology and prognosis.
But…
…I wanted you to hear it from me, even if on Facebook. (Bless it.)
… I am a writer who writes to figure out how she feels.
…I believe courage involves vulnerability, and I’m not afraid to tell you about the ugly cries.
…Though meds, surgery and radiation are powerful, prayer packs much more might.
…I already have stories to tell, a week and half in, about how God has made His steadfast love known.
So, if you are a willing pray-er of prayers, you’re enlisted with our deepest gratitude.
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What all of my heart wants you to know, wants you to see, is that God is still good. We all love to follow a happy diagnosis with floods of thanks to God for His goodness. But, thankfully, I don’t believe His goodness hinges on my circumstances. He’s good when the news is good and He’s good when the news makes you weak in the knees. I know this to be true, and I’m counting on it.
So, cancer it is, and we’re ready for battle. Bring on the specialists, appointments, treatments and pink ribbons. Oh, and probably a boob joke or two, plus some awkward public service reminders to all my much loved females to do self checks. Go ahead and get yourself comfortable with that.
Courage, dear heart.
I will not fear bad news. My heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7